Doing the crime, doing the time


We have a recording studio in our teen space, as I’ve probably mentioned, and we have two really hard and fast rules about it:

One, if you’re more than 20 minutes late to your scheduled session, and you haven’t called to let us know, you forfeit your session. (This is especially important on weekdays, when people have three-hour sessions, then think they can wander in whenever they like.)

Two, if you forfeit two sessions in one month, you are banned from using the studio. We haven’t established a timeline for bans, so I think lengths of bans are determined by each staffer individually in each case. (Personally, I would like to have a set rule, but one doesn’t seem to exist just yet.)

So today a dude called up and asked if he could schedule a time for the studio sometime next week. I looked him up on our internal spreadsheet, and lo and behold, he was a no-show both Saturday and Sunday of last week. Here’s how the conversation went after I explained the situation to him, that he was banned.

Him: But I was one of the first people to use the studio, did you know that? I helped write the rules!

Me: I’m glad you’ve used and enjoyed the studio, and having put the rules in place, I’m glad you understand how important it is to follow them. So no, and according to the rules, I can’t give you any more studio time because you have been banned.

Then, because I am such a nice person, I say:

Me: I’ll tell you what I can do. There’s no specified time for how long the ban has to be. Rather than giving you a lifetime ban, I’ll simply make it for a month not from today, but from the day of your first missed session. So you can use it again on January 11.

Him: But I need to use the studio next week!

Me: I’m sorry you won’t be able to use it, but those are the terms of the ban.

Then, this one’s a winner:

Him: Do I need to get dressed and come down there?

So I’m thinking, one, is he threatening me? Two, is he serious? I mean, come on.

Me: No, this is something we can resolve on the phone. I’ve told you about our policy, and your ban will remain in effect for a month.

Him: Okay, well, how about this? I really need to use the studio for something next week. Could I schedule a session for next week and then the ban can go into effect after that?

What I wanted to say: Do you not understand the concept of the ban? That’s what banning is. That’s like when my parents would take my TV privileges away, and I’d ask if I could watch just one more show that I loved and then my punishment could start. But I was, like, seven.

What I actually said: I’m sorry, but because you’ve lost the privilege of using the studio, you may not schedule any sessions till after your ban is lifted.

(My coworker is hearing all of this on my end, and rolling her eyes so far back in her head that I think they might get stuck there.)

So he then asks me for my name, and I spell it out clearly and concisely for him (wanting to say, “Make sure you spell it right, dude”), and he hangs up.

If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime…

Let’s have some palate-cleansing links, shall we?

The Second World War was won by books, you know.

Books overdue? Librarians will jail your ass.

This, from Mama Bear, I really love. I sent it to our early literacy director, so that she would know it too.

From Friend E, if you’re going through Harry Potter withdrawal, this might be a nice substitute.

Apparently first editions of A Christmas Carol are just hanging around Cleveland.

The Hairpin does these from almost every book, and these happen to be a winner. Very clever.

From Sister A, some lovely libraries in winter.

Want to write some Sherlock Holmes stories, but irritated by that pesky rule about intellectual property? Worry no more!

I got 55. How many did you get?

Courtesy of Colleague W, you’ll just feel dirty after reading these (but be laughing so much you won’t really care; NSFW).

And in an update, today was pretty quiet – just like any other weekend. Not too crazy. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.


2 responses »

    • Aw, thanks! Yeah, it was pretty strange. And anyone else he talked to in my department would have told him the same thing. We’re really trying to emphasize the whole “you’re practically adults, you have to be responsible about appointments,” side of it. Not showing up for a studio slot is one thing, but not showing up for, say, a job interview? Super uncool.

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